Child Abuse (Sunday, Sept. 11, 2005)

Like many parents of young children at the moment, I hope one of my sons grows up to play cricket for England and whip the Aussies in an Ashes series. They've taken to cricket in the park and often nag to be taken on the week-end, even if it's tipping down with rain. Yesterday was no exception, so armed with a size 3 bat, 3 stumps, a tennis ball and a cricket ball, and a twig for bails, we headed to the park.

It was a pretty timid affair, lots of missed strokes and running around to fetch the randomly thrown tennis ball by my 3 year-old, until I taught my 6 year-old how to hold the bat properly. By some fluke, the next ball bowled by Joshua looped up perfectly and Danny timed his shot sweetly - and smacked Joshua in the cheek knocking him over in the process.

Over we run and there's a bit of a red mark but generally he's OK, though he doesn't want to play any more, so in true 3 year-old tantrum style he throws himself on the floor. Whilst waiting for Josh to stop his tantrum, I decide to try out my own special brand of crazy off-spin, and pick up the cricket ball, pacing away from the wicket. "Stand back children" I say, knowing my tendency to let the ball fly a little randomly. This ball is no exception, but this time as fate would have it, Joshua's back-side becomes a huge magnet, and the cricket ball an over-sized ball bearing.

As soon as the ball is released, it flys at pace towards my sons posteria. "Shiiiiiiiitttttt" I exclaim in slow motion, completely powerless to stop the ensuing catastrophe. The ball hits its target, and Joshua leaps in the air, like a cat leaps in the air when hit with a brick (that's another story).

I rush over and pick him up as he bawls for everyone in the park to hear. The odd disaproving look is received from a group of mothers playing mundane games with their children like "catch the butterfly".

I decide that being hit twice in succession is probably enough for Joshua so decide to take the boys home. "Please don't tell Mum I hit Joshua with a cricket ball Danny". "OK Dad" he says, giving me a wink. Finally we get home and in that time, thankfully Joshua has stopped crying, now I just need Danny to be quiet. But I should have known better.

"Muuuuuum" he says.
"Yes Danny?".
"Daddy said shit".
"He said what?!! Why did he say that?".
"I'm not allowed to tell you Mummy".

Kids eh....

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