Merry Christmas to ya all..... (Friday, Dec. 30, 2005)

Quite impossible to believe, but a totally uneventful Christmas. No catastrophe, no illness, no drunken debauchery to talk of (that I remember anyway) - just food, drink, sleep and air hockey. The air hockey was a gift from 'Santa' (Annoys me that the fat bastard gets all the credit for the expensive presents we buy our children) to our two boys but to be honest they didn't get a look in. I was crowned air hockey champion after creaming my children, wife, parents, sister, parents in-law, and sons in-law. And not once did I gloat. Though the blisters I have on my hands now are an unwelcome reminder of my supremacy.

So back on to toilets. My son popped to the loo yesterday and called me in very excitedly. "Look Dad, a dolphin!" he said, proudly pointing at his poo. Yes, my son pooed a dolphin. Well, a brown mishapen dolphin that had come off worse against a great white shark, but a dolphin none the less. "Good work son" I proudly told him.

This event got me back to the many amusing conversations I've had with my children over the past few years in various public loos. And so for 2006, my diary sees the introduction of the top 10 chart, starting with...

THE TOP 10 EMBARRASSING THINGS CHILDREN SAY IN PUBLIC TOILETS
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10. Why's that man grunting Dad?
9. I'm pushing as hard as I can Dad but nothing's happening
8. Wow Dad, that's a new world record, I counted to 45!
7. I think that poo was as big as your car Dad!
6. Can I eat that sweet Dad? (pointing to the blue cube placed in the latrine)
5. Dad, I wish my wee was silver like yours
4. That man's poo really smells Dad, it's making me feel sick
3. Dad, what does cock mean? (reading grubby scrawl on cubicle wall)
2. When I hold it Dad, sometimes it goes all funny

and by far the most embarrassing.....

1. Dad, one day will mine be as big as yours?

New years resolution - try not to write about poo....

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