Major blockage and a roller-coaster ride... (Tuesday, Apr. 19, 2005)

So Sunday was an interesting day. Well, to explain why Sunday was an interesting day, I first need to explain why Saturday was a particularly uncomfortable day. You see, how do I put this, I had a "brown rat stuck up the drain-pipe". Towards the end of Saturday, I was still in some considerable discomfort, so decided to take some medicinal action. The copious amounts of fruit and high-fibre diet had failed to have the desired effect, so more extreme measures were therefore required. The packet said "take 1 or 2 tablets for relief within 8-12 hours". What the hell I thought, I'll take 3, don't want this rat nestled for any longer than necessary.

Sunday morning, and the rat has not budged. In fact, the bugger seemed to have grown in size and had made a nice nest for itself. So another couple of pills later and I'm still waiting. So Sunday - what I haven't mentioned yet is that it was the day before my son's birthday, and we were taking him and a variety of relatives to Thorpe Park. Now for the uneducated, Thorpe Park is a Theme park, with a variety of large wet your pants roller-coasters. You see where I'm going with this? So the aim was to dislodge the pet rat before departure, otherwise the consequences did not bear consideration.

So we're on our way - all 10 of us, + 1 pet. Really started to feel uncomfortable at this point, and as we walked into the park, my brother in law dragged us towards the largest of the rollercoasters, one of those throw you through corkscrews, loop the loops with your feet dangling free at 80 mph. "Go on Dad, don't be a wimp" says my son - no way out of that one, shitting on the entire population of Thorpe Park was preferable to being considered a wimp by my son.

The queue was very short and before I knew it, I was set inside the roller-coaster, buttocks firmly clenched. Panic has really set in and I started to survey the area beneath the roller-coaster, paying particular attention to any women with babies in prams. Finally we're off, and my rat has woken up. during the first 360 degree loop it decides that now is the time to breath the fresh daylight air but is just held back. After the longest 3 minutes of my life, the ride is over, rat still (just) intact. At this point, I start the crazed sprint towards the nearest loo, honestly I doubt I have ever run so fast in my entire life. The lady with the pram I was watching for before is now barrelled into, as kids with icre-creams go flying - nothing is keeping me from that loo.

The relief was, without doubt, the greatest relief I have experienced ever. I'll spare the gory details but my goodness, what a rat.

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